{"id":4714,"date":"2021-01-24T16:00:00","date_gmt":"2021-01-24T16:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/witanddelight.com\/?p=86906"},"modified":"2021-01-24T16:00:00","modified_gmt":"2021-01-24T16:00:00","slug":"please-scream-inside-your-heart-the-adult-tantrum","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ozapp.com.au\/?p=4714","title":{"rendered":"Please Scream Inside Your Heart: The Adult Tantrum"},"content":{"rendered":"<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1456\" height=\"2048\" alt=\"Please Scream Inside Your Heart: The Adult Tantrum | Wit &amp; Delight\" data-srcset=\"https:\/\/witanddelight.com\/content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/lieselotte-de-bie-lXKihcJP7sk-unsplash-scaled.jpg 1456w, https:\/\/witanddelight.com\/content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/lieselotte-de-bie-lXKihcJP7sk-unsplash-213x300.jpg 213w, https:\/\/witanddelight.com\/content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/lieselotte-de-bie-lXKihcJP7sk-unsplash-728x1024.jpg 728w, https:\/\/witanddelight.com\/content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/lieselotte-de-bie-lXKihcJP7sk-unsplash-107x150.jpg 107w, https:\/\/witanddelight.com\/content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/lieselotte-de-bie-lXKihcJP7sk-unsplash-1092x1536.jpg 1092w, https:\/\/witanddelight.com\/content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/lieselotte-de-bie-lXKihcJP7sk-unsplash-17x24.jpg 17w, https:\/\/witanddelight.com\/content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/lieselotte-de-bie-lXKihcJP7sk-unsplash-26x36.jpg 26w, https:\/\/witanddelight.com\/content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/lieselotte-de-bie-lXKihcJP7sk-unsplash-34x48.jpg 34w, https:\/\/witanddelight.com\/content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/lieselotte-de-bie-lXKihcJP7sk-unsplash-560x788.jpg 560w, https:\/\/witanddelight.com\/content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/lieselotte-de-bie-lXKihcJP7sk-unsplash-600x844.jpg 600w\" data-sizes=\"(max-width: 1456px) 100vw, 1456px\" class=\"wp-image-87021 lazyload\" src=\"https:\/\/witanddelight.com\/content\/uploads\/\/2021\/01\/lieselotte-de-bie-lXKihcJP7sk-unsplash-scaled.jpg\"><noscript><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1456\" height=\"2048\" src=\"https:\/\/witanddelight.com\/content\/uploads\/\/2021\/01\/lieselotte-de-bie-lXKihcJP7sk-unsplash-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"Please Scream Inside Your Heart: The Adult Tantrum | Wit &amp; Delight\" class=\"wp-image-87021\" srcset=\"https:\/\/witanddelight.com\/content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/lieselotte-de-bie-lXKihcJP7sk-unsplash-scaled.jpg 1456w, https:\/\/witanddelight.com\/content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/lieselotte-de-bie-lXKihcJP7sk-unsplash-213x300.jpg 213w, https:\/\/witanddelight.com\/content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/lieselotte-de-bie-lXKihcJP7sk-unsplash-728x1024.jpg 728w, https:\/\/witanddelight.com\/content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/lieselotte-de-bie-lXKihcJP7sk-unsplash-107x150.jpg 107w, https:\/\/witanddelight.com\/content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/lieselotte-de-bie-lXKihcJP7sk-unsplash-1092x1536.jpg 1092w, https:\/\/witanddelight.com\/content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/lieselotte-de-bie-lXKihcJP7sk-unsplash-17x24.jpg 17w, https:\/\/witanddelight.com\/content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/lieselotte-de-bie-lXKihcJP7sk-unsplash-26x36.jpg 26w, https:\/\/witanddelight.com\/content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/lieselotte-de-bie-lXKihcJP7sk-unsplash-34x48.jpg 34w, https:\/\/witanddelight.com\/content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/lieselotte-de-bie-lXKihcJP7sk-unsplash-560x788.jpg 560w, https:\/\/witanddelight.com\/content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/lieselotte-de-bie-lXKihcJP7sk-unsplash-600x844.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1456px) 100vw, 1456px\"><\/p>\n<p><\/noscript><figcaption>Photo by&nbsp;<a rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/unsplash.com\/@lieselottedb?utm_source=unsplash&amp;utm_medium=referral&amp;utm_content=creditCopyText\">Lieselotte De Bie<\/a>&nbsp;on&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/unsplash.com\/photos\/lXKihcJP7sk\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Unsplash<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p class=\"has-drop-cap\">I don\u2019t remember how it felt to kick and scream as a kid. I don\u2019t remember how it felt to wail, to want something so unreasonably badly that the gut-yearning made my fists clench into white and, in protest, caused my hair to swirl all over the floor. I remember hearing about tantrums. My parents love to tell the story of my horse toy aisle Target blunder. I lost my goddamn Cheerios when I couldn\u2019t bring home the horse stable <em>and<\/em> trailer. My parents love to brag that they left the store with all our items in the cart because of it; how much it blew my mind that my screaming wouldn\u2019t get me anywhere. I was in for a journey of riding mysterious feelings through and through.<\/p>\n<p>Tantrums, the most organic of their kind, are most common in children ages 1-3, when kids are developing their social and emotional skills. Kids don\u2019t have words to express their emotions and test the waters of their boundaries, throwing themselves on the ground to see how their parents react to their confusion. Which makes total sense. Imagine being a child again, feeling big feelings everywhere, and on top of that being viciously hungry, and unable to express any of it.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Interestingly enough, as we get older, we completely void the possibility of tantrums. Since we have the words to express ourselves, we\u2019re able to self-regulate our emotions. We know how to cope. We won\u2019t snot-cry in a meeting because someone spoke over us or wasn\u2019t listening to our big idea. We can, ideally, cope with what shakes us. Potent emotions\u2014worry, fear, shame, anger\u2014are less overwhelming. We know them. It would be ridiculous for an adult to have a tantrum. <em>Right?<\/em><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-style-default\" readability=\"11\">\n<p>We are, still, capable of a tantrum. Its emotional current takes form just like it did when we were children. But now, we pack our emotional flare-ups in tiny boxes. We seize them like a hot fire, pouring water on the coals.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>The thing is, I don\u2019t think so. We\u2019re not allowed to have tantrums that look like explosions of sudden anger. Adults don\u2019t arch their back, flail their limbs, stiffen their legs, wind and kick their ankles and scream, \u201cI HATE MY JOB!!\u201d in the middle of an earnings meeting. However, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/life-after-50\/201805\/adult-temper-tantrums\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">adult outbursts<\/a> take a new form. And I deeply believe they\u2019re still tantrums. We, like children, can no longer find the words to properly express ourselves. We don\u2019t know how to manage every single feeling we\u2019re dealt. We struggle to change the world around us, especially now. At a tantrum\u2019s root, these are the barriers that water their cells.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>We are, still, capable of a tantrum. Its emotional current takes form just like it did when we were children. But now, we pack our emotional flare-ups in tiny boxes. We seize them like a hot fire, pouring water on the coals. <em>An adult tantrum? How embarrassing! We would never!<\/em> In turn, these mood-huffs are the before-the-storm, earth-shatteringly <em>quiet<\/em> tremor in our gut<em>.<\/em> They are uncoiled, private outbursts of frustration. So, why aren\u2019t we talking more about how they feel as adults?<\/p>\n<p>My adult tantrums come in many forms. What scares me the most is that they\u2019re not explosive like they were when I was little. They\u2019re so quiet, they get lost. They\u2019re foggy and distracting. I can\u2019t read a book because my silent blowups don\u2019t let me focus. So sometimes, a tantrum will put me on TikTok or Instagram for over forty minutes. And I\u2019ll sit listlessly in my own wake of jealousy, comparison, and wanting.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Another super jazzy thing I do is, whenever faced with a rejection letter or adversity in my writing, my brain tells me: \u201cYou don\u2019t care. You don\u2019t want to be a writer anyway.\u201d I push my problems aside, instantly allowing myself to ignore caring for them. I know how to tolerate disappointment, but lately, the world has brought me to a place where I\u2019m tired of tolerating hardship. And any wild pitch throws me into a tornado of ignorance.<\/p>\n<p>My tantrums also convince me that I\u2019m not valuable at work; that I might be fired at any instant because actively consoling myself the past year has become deeply difficult. I buy stupid things on the Internet, drink too much on a Wednesday, and ignore text messages (<em>Writer\u2019s Note:<\/em> Don\u2019t even get me started on group texts). It feels a lot like a lazy form of protest. Because I\u2019m miserable, I bury myself in that misery. I\u2019ll act self-deprecating and cover myself entirely in the blanket of pain I\u2019m feeling. I had a bad day! I DESERVE this wine and Doritos, assholes. <em>Guys! I\u2019m eating junk food and watching rubbish. You better come out and stop me!<\/em><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-style-large\" readability=\"7\">\n<p>They are the direct indication that we could need help coping. Like our parents did for us when we were three, we need to do it for ourselves.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>With <a href=\"https:\/\/witanddelight.com\/2014\/10\/cultural-conditional-add-social-media-melting-brains\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">social media<\/a>, tantrums have become the self-deprecating butt of the joke. In fact, tantrums make the best memes. We laugh at each other for surrounding ourselves in the sad ways we wallow. Before I walked into Whole Foods in sweatpants, hair billowed on top of my head like a horn, I debated taking a video of myself and posting on Instagram with a stupid caption like: <em>I\u2019m trying.<\/em> Which, in its entirety, is deeply sad. Our tantrums have become feverishly public desires, whether it\u2019s a call for help or an arm reaching out.<\/p>\n<p>My tantrums are so covered by my own embarrassment for them, they are tough to admit or describe. I think it\u2019s because they feel so minor in themselves, and it\u2019s hard for me to admit that I\u2019m sad or can\u2019t diagnose my feelings with anything but mindless, blind frustration. I hate getting dressed, for example. I can barely imagine putting on normal pants and instead of stomping my feet and screaming about it, I\u2019ll go ten days straight wearing sweatpants and eating nothing but bagels and pizza. I go to the post office and grocery store wearing pajamas and barn boots once a week. I realize this may be the fog of low-grade depression, but adult tantrums can shape themselves that way. They are the direct indication that we could need help coping. Like our parents did for us when we were three, we need to do it for ourselves.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019ve had a year. We\u2019re not perfect. We\u2019ve endured an entire cycle of an election, amidst a pandemic. We\u2019ve lost the energy to cope with things and our inner voice has dimmed. And yet, we\u2019re flooded with self-care tips and boisterous Twitter reminders to drink water. We\u2019re pressured to get enough exercise and stay away from our phones. And that, partially, is where these tantrums begin. What if we don\u2019t want to do all these things? What if we just want to be standing in the produce aisle wearing big sweatpants, considering spending $15 on a wheel of cheese?&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Well eventually, just like our parents told us, our tantrum will burn itself out. And we\u2019ll be (hopefully) willing to come out of it and <a rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/witanddelight.com\/2020\/04\/how-to-clean-your-emotional-house-2\/\" target=\"_blank\">take care of ourselves again.<\/a> I\u2019ve already committed to a dry February and leaving my phone in another room instead of my bedside, so I can wake up more naturally and stop doomscrolling first thing in the morning. However, it\u2019s inevitable that the world will send me into a tantrum frenzy again. Threats on our democracy, impeachment, and depressing news on climate change will show up at my front door despite a non-invite. And I\u2019ll be placed back into my own devices and pushed to ride the storm out.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-style-large\" readability=\"6\">\n<p>Tantrums deserve respect because they\u2019re showing us when we\u2019re overwhelmed and don\u2019t know how to express our feelings. Take your time with them. Let them see their way through you.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>The adult tantrum will dissipate with time. And while we\u2019re riding its wave, it deserves our attention. Whether or not we want to hide under a blanket, eventually, we\u2019ll try to physically change our state of mind, squeeze the tantrum out by expelling its energy\u2014with jumping jacks or yelling into a field. Tantrums deserve respect because they\u2019re showing us when we\u2019re overwhelmed and don\u2019t know how to express our feelings. Take your time with them. Let them see their way through you. We\u2019ll figure out our feelings with time.<\/p>\n<p>Lastly, if you\u2019re in the middle of having one, and I can\u2019t stress this enough, leave Target.<\/p>\n<div class=\"saboxplugin-wrap\" itemtype=\"http:\/\/schema.org\/Person\" itemscope=\"itemscope\" itemprop=\"author\">\n<div class=\"saboxplugin-gravatar\"><a href=\"https:\/\/witanddelight.com\/author\/brittany-chaffee\/\"><img decoding=\"async\" alt itemprop=\"image\" class=\"lazyload\" src=\"https:\/\/witanddelight.com\/content\/uploads\/\/2019\/04\/june2018_brittany_portraitsession-26.jpg\"><noscript><\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/witanddelight.com\/content\/uploads\/\/2019\/04\/june2018_brittany_portraitsession-26.jpg\" alt itemprop=\"image\"><\/p>\n<p><\/noscript><\/a><\/div>\n<div class=\"saboxplugin-desc\" readability=\"11.915024630542\">\n<div itemprop=\"description\" readability=\"19.064039408867\">\n<p>Brittany Chaffee is an avid storyteller, professional empath, and author. On the daily, she gets paid to strategize and create content for brands. Off work hours, it\u2019s all about a well-lit place, warm bread, and good company. She lives in St.Paul with her baby brother cats, Rami and Monkey. Follow her on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/brittanychaffee\/\">Instagram<\/a>, read more about her latest book, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.theborderlinecollective.com\/\">Borderline<\/a>, and (most importantly) go hug your mother.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/witanddelight.com\/2021\/01\/please-scream-inside-your-heart-the-adult-tantrum\/\">Source<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Photo by&nbsp;Lieselotte De Bie&nbsp;on&nbsp;Unsplash I don\u2019t remember how it felt to kick and scream as a kid. I don\u2019t remember how it felt to wail, to want something so unreasonably badly that the gut-yearning made my fists clench into white and, in protest, caused my hair to swirl all over the floor. I remember hearing [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":4715,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[4710,124,567,4711,282,210,32,40,96,4712,4713,98,4714,2267,2150,4715,4716,101,171],"class_list":["post-4714","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-health","tag-adult-tantrum","tag-brittany-chaffee","tag-coping","tag-coping-strategy","tag-depression","tag-emotions","tag-health","tag-health-wellness","tag-mental-health","tag-outburst","tag-please-scream-inside-your-heart","tag-self-care","tag-self-deprecating","tag-self-worth","tag-take-care-of-yourself","tag-tantrum","tag-value","tag-wellness","tag-work"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ozapp.com.au\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4714","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ozapp.com.au\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ozapp.com.au\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ozapp.com.au\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ozapp.com.au\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4714"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/ozapp.com.au\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4714\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ozapp.com.au\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/4715"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ozapp.com.au\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4714"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ozapp.com.au\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4714"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ozapp.com.au\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4714"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}